Progress doesn't taste good.

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Clean it: Sheepskin

I don’t think I really became a parent until my toddler vomited all over me. We were on the way to the bathroom after he started puking in his bed when he just let it go down my back. [Insert baptism joke]. I am a Real Parent now.

Our biggest mistake is having our firstborn sleep on a sheepskin from the day he came home from the hospital. It was/is a great insulating layer for a December baby but it is wool attached to leather. He has now imprinted on this ratty thing that is not easy to clean. This poor sheep has been put through the worst a newborn/infant/toddler can do.

crab butt

A boy and his sheep

I am tired of cleaning it then comforting a sick child while his lovey drip-drys for two days. We have two sheep but one is the obvious preference. They are named “sheep” and “other sheep.” Guess which one he prefers.

Real wool is a pain in the arse to clean when it is processed into yarn and made into garments. COLD water. NO wringing. DRY flat. There are Rules. If you break these Rules you can dress your dachshund in your once-beloved sweater. I don’t think leather is allowed to be around water. I don’t really have any skin garments and I mostly wear rubber boots so I haven’t internalized those rules yet.

But. Having to clean vomit off of your kids Comfort Item makes you pretty innovative. So I have learned how to most easily clean a sheepskin. Note: I have not tested this on larger items or ones that are used responsibly as decorative throws. My only experience is cleaning bodily fluids off and getting the thing back into a toddlers sticky hands.

How to good-enough clean a sheepskin

Extract it from your crying toddler’s grasp. Pass toddler off to Other Parent.

Throw the thing in the bathtub and run cold water over it, thoroughly soaking the hide. Squirt about a quarter size amount of gentle soap on your hands. I use the same crunchy soap I use on my two perfect children. Lather in your hands and work deeply into the pile of the sheepskin. Slush you hands around in the cold, soapy pelt. Use your fingers and a wide tooth comb to work the soap into the matted hide and loosen all the lint and dried popsicle stickiness. Turn the water back on–using the shower head–and wash the hide until no more soap comes off. It is now clean enough.

Roll the hide up and squeeze out as much water as you can. Do it again. And again. You can place the hide on a thick towel and roll the towel up, pressing out even more water.

I used to hang this sopping mess up on a rack in our mechanical room (the warmest room in our house thanks to exposed radiant heat pipe). That method works. I am here to tell you that you can dry this thing in a dryer. Yes. Put that real wool thing in the dryer. Just place it in one of those mesh lingerie bags and add another item like a towel. Dry on low-medium heat for about an hour. Remove it when still slightly damp. Leaving it in too long makes it crispy and brittle.

Return it to a happy toddler

I haven’t tried my washing machine yet. My (horrible*, new) washing machine has a Hand Wash cycle that I will try because the tub method sort of sucks. I am pretty sure my kid will barf on this again at some point in the future.

Or you could just buy your kid toys that are machine or dishwasher safe. That would be the real take away message here.

*I really hate my washing machine.


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a pot of beans

Beans are not glamorous. Especially a circa 2009 25# bag of pinto beans from Costco. They were cheap and they never really go bad. Beans are a pretty good apocalypse food. (When researching methods for cooking I stumbled on some survivalist forums. Wow. Let’s all discuss the best way to live underground after the world ends.) While beans never really spoil, they get old and harder to cook. My Costco beans are very old and hard to cook. 10 hours in a crock pot will not soften them. Crunchy beans are gross. Crunchy beans when you aren’t crazy about eating beans in the first place is damn depressing.

Recipes that say beans cook in an hour or three are lying. It’s the same as when a recipe says you can caramelize onions in 10 minutes. There is science that explains why both of those are terrible lies, I have read about it. It involves proteins, sugars, and acidity.

I could have thrown them out. I am, as you might guess from this post about beans, Very Cheap. I can’t throw them out. I figured out how to cook them. Actually, I figured out how to soak them so they could cook before the actual apocalypse. Baking Soda. add about 2 tablespoons of baking soda to the soaking liquid the night before does some chemistry to the beans so they will actually soften.

Figuring out a recipe was much easier. As a kid, we used to eat at Chevy’s, a Cal-Tex Mex chain in the Bay Area. I liked that they had some machine that made tortillas right there in front of you and the pinto beans. They were soupy, salty, soft beans served in a food service white cup. I know they aren’t authentic but they were amazing. That flavor memory is my guide. I found the closest approximation by varying Home Sick Texan’s basic bean recipe.

This recipe isn’t even fancy enough for a picture.

Recipe:

1 pound picked over, rinsed pinto beans
2 T banking soda
3 (or more) cloves of garlic
1 yellow onion
1 (or two) poblano or pasilla pepper
a chunk (maybe 1/4 to 1/3 pound) salt pork–optional, I have made these beans without this and they tasted just fine
salt to taste

The night before you want to eat beans, place rinsed beans in a bowl, cover with water, stir in baking soda and let soak. (Since my beans are very old, I soaked them like this for about 8 hours then rinsed them and soaked them again in clean water another 12.) Rinse the beans, cover with about 7 or 8 cups of water. Whirl the garlic, onion, and peppers in a food processor–you want them chopped very finely. You can do this by hand too, just chop until you think hauling firewood up the stairs in the rain starts to sound like a good idea. Add all of this plus the salt pork to the pot and bring to a boil. Reduce to simmer and cook until the beans are soft. This may take 6 hours or more. It took 5 yesterday on my stove. Add salt at the end. Serve to your grateful family.

An aside: I am so stubborn that I will not buy any new beans at the store until I use all of these old pinto beans up. I am tired of pintos but I will not stuff more beans in my pantry until these are gone. I am down to my last 3 to 4 pounds. Then I can learn how to make other beans.


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Holy Balls I’m writing an entry

I regret than I am slow at this whole Blog Thing. I spend my working hours staring at a screen and I have a hard time doing it for fun. Yet here I am.

I’m mostly writing to tell al 4 of you out there that my header is finally done. Rather than blog, I have been painstakingly needlepointing the name of my Blog onto a cheap piece of canvas. Those are my priorities.

Anyway, ADMIRE MY HEADER BECAUSE I AM CRAFTY.